Guess who's back... back again...

Well Shady's been back for a while but guess who hasn't... TABS. So as you may have guessed i've decided to start detailing whims and thoughts for you all because who doesn't need to hear them? And who doesn't want to? No-one, thanks reader for your contribution.

This was particularly soul crushing

I decided to start up again because it's my sister's birthday today and I was scrolling through our friendship on fb because why the hell not when you have nothing else to do on an early Monday morning and I found some blog posts. These were not my blog posts, rather they were posts that she had created during a spurt of creativity entitled "Smiley Rainbow Cake". It's fairly bizarre but it made me chuckle (and I felt bad for lying about actually reading it when she posted it on my wall many years ago). Because I had neglected to read this blog for so long I didn't notice that it was a direct attack on my precious walruses, direct and hurtful. So I decided to start this up again partially in the hope that it will give me a hobby other than violent video games and rock collecting and partially in the hope that she will in fact continue to post on Smiley Rainbow Cake (http://smileyrainbowcake.blogspot.co.uk/).

So expect big things this year.

I don't mean big as in exciting, I ate a lot over Christmas and it's the first time i've put on weight after the holidays. I'm at uni now so I eat ALL THE FOOD AT HOME. And cheese is to blame.

BYE

Oh hi again

Things kind of stopped happening on Insights and Walruses for a bit there. I'm not really sure why, my life was starting to go something like this:
WORK
WORK
WORK
THE SIMS
WORK
WORK
WORK
SOCIAL LIFE
WORK
WORK
WORK

So, here i am again. Back to bring insights and walruses to your computer. What's been happening then?

I applied for university... 

... and got rejected twice 

That's literally it. 4 months of my life summed up in two badly drawn Microsoft Paint pictures. And they're surprisingly realistic. Yay.

MAC ROOM TIMES: Early Christmas Spirit

Christmas is getting earlier each year... shops are getting in their Christmas stock, and everywhere is advertising their 'exclusive' Christmas deals. You know what's Christmas-y, and totally awesome??????? Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer on Ukulele :D. You know who's even more awesome? UKULELE MIKE, (if you don't know him, then you have no reason to live life anymore). JUST LOOK AT HIS HAPPY LITTLE FACE

HE'S SO HAPPY. I want him to be part of my family. Now. Scientists should create a way of getting someone's genes into another person so their talents and general awesomeness can be soaked up by the rest of the population. Come on scientists of the future... get to it.

 

Observe the concentration on these young musicians, as they witness the beauty that is UKULELE MIKE'S RUDOLPH THE RED NOSED REINDEER

Sometimes The World Is A Ridiculous Place

Has everyone gone completely insane?

'Self Control' is an app that blocks certain websites for a limited amount of time, supposedly to help a person concentrate on their work, and is said to be turning people into harder working (yet horrifyingly technology dependent) human beings. One of the problems I have with society hailing this new found concept of 'self control' as if no one had ever thought of it before and believing that the creator of the app should be praised as a new deity, is that it really begs the question, do we really need to be physically unable to access social network sites to be able to get anything done?

Distraction itself is a part of work. Think of everything that won't exist anymore because of a lack of distraction. I'm pretty sure some of the best things in creation were born out of a looming deadline and too much Redbull. Blogs will be all serious, instead of a respite from a long day of pretending to be working. The mona lisa was probably created because Van Gough was supposed to be doing the washing up.

What's even funnier is that the app is programmed so that if it is activated, the user is totally unable to access the internet for 90 minutes. This only creates mental images of people clawing at their iPhone, or smashing ope na laptop to see where Twitter is hiding.

I know my argument is flawed in sooooo many ways,  but it is ridiculous to assume that humanity is so in need of motivation that it requires a third party application to physically disable it's internet capabilities. And if it is, then please find me another humanity to live amongst.

BYE.

If you are a sad human being, here is the link to the app :P

http://www.macupdate.com/app/mac/31289/selfcontrol

The British and Their Pets

Cats, dogs, hamsters, guinea pigs, rabbits, horses, spiders, snakes, alligators, whales, dinosaurs, insects, frogs, Boris Johnson - the British have a weird attitude to pets. In our homes, they assume the role of another family member, while not contributing the upkeep of the household, requiring vets bills and food, and constantly sleeping. But we love them, perhaps because they depend on us (hamsters and guinea pigs), perhaps because they can last a long time and stay with us for some number of years (horses, spiders and tortoises) or perhaps simply because they're cute and fluffy in an insane kind of way (Boris Johnson).

The point of this post, really, is because on Tuesday 25th September, 2012, my cat, Tug was put down. At the grand age of 15, myself and my sister had grown up with him, and he was my mother's third child practically. I didn't know how to approach this post, so here's some of my favourite photos of Tuggles. Enjoy :). 

 

He's either an incredibly pissed off kitty, or he's trying to entice the
camera with smoldering looks. I believe it's the latter. 

BAD EXPOSURE CUDDLES

Bullied into dressing up, Christmas 2011 - he enjoyed it secretly 

A much loved cat of 15 amazing years

On the topic of pets - Scooby the hamster has a blog and twitter - his first post is up - follow him on blogger and twitter :) http://whatdoesscoobydoo.blogspot.co.uk/2012/09/scooby-does-memes.html 

A Post About Sarah

:O - what's this, a change - to the url, banner AND name of the blog. Reader, I know you don't like change, and the ever-changing winds of time unsettle you somewhat, but the blog has moved on. Well, it's kind of a moot point seeing as the blog was previously entitled 'CARDS and other irrelevant shizz' when in fact no cards of any kind were ever featured on said blog, so there hasn't really been any 'moving on' in terms of the content of the blog, just a good re-titling really.

Anyway, some time ago, http://everydayimramblin.blogspot.co.uk/ told me to write a post about her. This is that post.

This is my friend Sarah.
Some say her eye is wonky because she ate too many Wonka bars and it went to her head.
Some say she was born from two satellites colliding above the Indian Ocean.
Some say she was raised by raisins.
Some say she's a reincarnation of Louis the racist snail who tragically lost his life in Paris.
Some say her skin is made of denim.
Some say she's the lovechild of Mufasa from the Lion King and Elvis.
Some say she has a crotch of pure gold.
Some say she once broke her face.
Some say she lives in a rooftop village where she can swing from branch to branch with ease.
Some say she shot the sheriff (but she didn't shoot the deputy).
Some say she can speak Narwhal.
Some say she can maim tigers with a single stare.
Some say she has issues with fruit due to her heritage.
Some say she can text with thought.
Some say she has fathered a litter of children in Mexico.
Some say her favourite hobby is painting pictures of the sun on the backs of rodents.
Some say she has more than 8 limbs, but hides them to avoid being asked to do more work with them.
Some say she cleans her home with a mop made out of the hair of Iggy Pop.
Some say she wants to settle down at the age of 30 with only a pound coin and a moustache to keep her company.

I just think she's a bit weird, and possibly a serial killer. But don't let that put you off her.

Sarah, ladies and gentleman.

BYE

Blind Euphoria That Comes With Stupidity

Yes. Everything is capitalised in that title. Get used to it.
Basically, the other day myself and Jessie were talking about a particular social crowd from a very different school to ours. We were asking ourselves why the fuck they were so giggly all the time, seeing as I stand next to a pack of them every morning at the station and they always sound like they're on helium. I know what you're saying reader, Tabs, people are allowed to be happy in the world, not everyone see's it for it's harsh reality like people on YouTube or people who write... pretentious... blogs... Anyway, we worked out that the reason these people are so annoyingly jolly all the time, and here it is. People like this laugh because of the blind euphoria that comes with stupidity, because if you know about all the shit that's going down in the world, you're a depressed mother fucker. So this is it, you cannot possibly be that happy all the time, especially at 7:33 in the morning, without having some kind of delusion about the world you live in. But here you go again reader, with your snappy comebacks to the gist of my blog post, you may be saying, reader, that people simply can be happy and still know about the terrifyingly apocalyptic state of the world because they choose not to let it affect their everyday life and simply enjoy the times they can. I would say reader, that that is actually true, but would undercut our theory which is quite frankly relevant to a small group of people. If this herd of people at my station did, in fact watch the news, contribute to charitable causes in our society and basically give a shizz about the state of the world, past, present and future, then I suppose this blog post would not be targeted at them. It is rather aimed at those who make no effort to even consider the bad times, in any effort to remember the past out of respect or to learn for the future. It is rather aimed at those who shield themselves from the cruelties of the human race in order to keep their world a happy, fairy-tale place and in doing so bury their empty but euphoric heads in the metaphorical sand. This is why it's important to visit places like Auschwitz, out of respect and it's also important that every human being understands the horror of the past so that the future bears no resemblance, so no more head burying, humanity. Got it? Good.

This blog post got quite deep quite quickly, and i apologize. This is what happens when I write without a plan :P. In exchange for your reading, I implore you to settle your gaze upon this image and just remember, if you've ever stuck your head in the sand...

BYE