Not to alarm you or anything, but i'm mates with Mario.

So, i'm experiencing what many gamers recognise as gaming withdrawal. I recently misplaced my camera with my SD card in (holding my collection of downloaded Wii games) at a halloween party of which there will be no narrative apart from this image to give you the general gist of how things went down.

So, with that understood, we shall continue to

the present day. I have no Wii games to play and this is where things are getting scary. I can play on the handheld easily - but it's not the same as playing on the shitty, tiny screen that my parents granted me access to in my room. I've started dreaming about being in Super Mario 64 - the other night i was in the lava land and COMPLETED IT. I've been trying to do that for a week now (for reasons too boring to be included in the blog of awesomeness). Even the shit games that for some reason i thought it necessary to plague my card with, I now miss. I miss the dodgy resolution of Zombie Panic in Wonderland and the mind numbing boredom of My Life As A King. I even wanted to step down out the front step to leave my house today and my hand twitched to the jumpy button on a gamecube controller. I forgot how to go down a step without jumping. Seriously. Do they know what they are doing to us? It's actually a clinical thing now to be addicted to video games - there's a rehab in Amsterdam. I'm not that bad - you've gotta be pretty bad to have to go to rehab. You'd probably have to look like this after not playing for 5 days

So anyway, I think that it is possible to become addicted to video games. It's something about the impulsive, false safety that's created by their brightly coloured interfaces that makes play a necessity.

I'm jus sayin.

Momentary Panics

These are moments in which your whole world comes crashing down for a split second before you realise just how much of an idiot you actually are. If they say heart attacks take years off your life - then these panics must shorten your lifetime by about an hour each time, probably. Just in case you are not with me and about to click away from the post because you think it's finally happened, and I have finally gone insane, I will give you some examples.

I was just casually drinking some hot chocolate, because I was cold and had no food of which to comfort eat. When I was casually drinking this, I missed my mouth, totally, and poured hot chocolate down my scarf and onto my arm, cue momentary panic that somehow, this hot chocolate would STAIN MY ARM. As in, it would never come off my arm, because the only way you get rid of stains is in a washing machine, and i can't put my arm in washing machine - it DOESN'T WORK.

Other examples of momentary panic:

- When you misjudge the last step of a flight of stairs and for a moment, you are hurtling towards a terrifying death as your foot falls an inch further than expected.

- When you're desperately looking for your phone / iPod / kitten, expecting the worst, almost in tears as your desperation turns to savagery and you search through your bag, only to realise that it is in fact in your hand.

- When you're sitting on a train, very tired after a long day of playing cards and drinking dr pepper, and there's the panic when you realise you have been daydreaming and for a second you truly believe that you have missed your stop and you are somewhere in Norway even though it's technically impossible BECAUSE YOU LIVE ON AN ISLAND.

- When you're watching DIY SOS and there's the tense moment when you don't know if they are tears of joy or distress.

This has all happened to me. Don't judge.

:)

Jeeves' Unanswerables

So, I was casually doing some homework when I came across a BBC News Article outlining what it referred to as 'Jeeves' Unanswerables'. I was intrigued. Naturally, I read and it is true that, when thinking inside the box, these questions are unanswerable. But let us leave the box far, far behind and answer the unanswerable.

THE ARTICLE - http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-11368424

What is the meaning of life?

Ah. Deep end much. Life is for the fun times :) there are the sad times in life :( but they are to make sure that we appreciate the good times more :D. I'm not religious. At all. But, the meaning of life is probably different for each person that is asked. Ask a scientist what the meaning of life is, he may say it is to discover all that is to be discovered. Ask a parentwhat the meaning of life is, he may say it is to procreate children and sustain happiness. Ask a pope what the meaning of life is, he may say it is to do God's bidding. Ask a feminist what the meaning of life it, she may say it is to stop people referring to all positions of power such as scientists, parents or popes as 'he'. Either that or it's to get drunk on a bouncy castle. Probably the latter.

Is there a God?

Depends what you mean. I have recently found God in Jake Gyllenhaal when I saw Donnie Darko. I say no more.

Do blondes have more fun?

No. They just think they do because even the most mundane tasks are hilarious for them. I joke, many of my friends are in fact intelligent, witty blondes. Well one, and she's like this most of the time.

What is the best diet?

The best diet is the one that features the Dominoes Meateor pizza the most. It's not a healthy diet. But it's the best. All hail the Meateor, with it's warm bbq sauce, sparkling infusion of explosions on the tastebuds with the salt and grease collaborating to create a volcano of awesomeness. Oh, Meateor. I have so much faith in your cheesey goodness. Excuse me a minute...

Is there anybody out there?

Where? Space? Yes. Well, there might be in a few million years or something i don't know. In all fairness we are basing our lack of belief in intelligent life on other planets / in other universes on the lack of contact made by them. GIVE THEM A CHANCE :O. Honestly, if we can't contact them then why should they be able to contact us? Oh, human race - you should listen to Tabs more often.

Who is the most famous person in the world?

Your Mum. Those two words are probably said wayy more often that the words The Pope or The Queen or Barrack Obama. So, your mum is the most famous person in the world. Go congratulate her with a cup of tea or, if you are american and don't drink tea, a big mac.

What is love?

A chemical. Deal with it non-rationalists of the world.

What is the secret to happiness?

Scientists and psychologists would probably say a healthy diet, exercise and mental stimulation. However i think you can be given all the happiness you need in life from these two pictures.

Did Tony Soprano Die?

Who?

How Long Will I Live?

A closing thought - as long as you are happy and prosperous is my answer. But if you get hit by a car then that theory may be proved to have a few loopholes. If we are talking about the spiritual meaning of the word 'living' then as long as you want I suppose. But if we are talking scientific, with all the passive or active smoking, drinking, global warming and stupidity i'd give the human race an average life span of about 60 years. Unless there are cars about.

BYE

There is only one thing on the media's mind...

Ok, so be prepared for a rant at this moment in time.
Adults. This is directed at you, I hope you feel the full force of this rant as it is being metaphorically fired at you with my teenage gun of hate - a gun of hate that many adults take to be literal. Why is it that adults associate a group of 15 / 16 / 17 year old girls in the middle of Kent with the knife and gun crime that has been hyperbolised in the media through the last few decades?

Rest assured, I am not baffled as to an adult's reasoning for this. I have seen for myself the articles about young people in the media. Thieving, murdering for free breakfast, hate crime, bullying and racism are all unfortunately hot topics surrounding the teenage generation, but are we choosing to ignore the Raoul Moat incident? Are we choosing to ignore Anders Breivik - the 32 year old Norwegian right wing extremist who gunned down a holiday camp over summer? So how about the recent pathetic display of humanity across the UK as hundreds took to looting and murdering for a 'cause' that was probably unknown by most of them, I agree that many of those that took part in the casual looting of London were younger, many were teenagers and children. However, did we see many images of the bank managers or the teachers involved in this chaos? Only 21% of those charged over the riots were under 18. 79% of those charged were trusted adults - trusted adults were robbing the innocent, abusing the defenseless and mutilating countless homes and businesses, then going in to work the next day and teaching your children, or handling your finances.

And yet, why don't mothers grab onto their child's hand as soon as they see a 'gang' of teaching assistants? Why don't people actively cross the street to avoid passing a norwegian group of tourists in London (or maybe they do - i don't know how annoying the Norway people are :D)? All this happens all the time and the sad truth is that for the most part - I don't blame people for being wary of the teenage generation. With all the propaganda that is fed to the British public, it is hard not to believe that hoodies are hiding knives. It is hard not to feel threatened by a group of guys, possible 17 or 18 years old in tracksuits, being loud and scary-like - it's a stereotype - they've been around for ages. But here is where we get into the really frustrating details.

It is when adults are judgmental of the whole generation. It is when adults actively seek to tut and mutter about a behaviour that would mirror that of a middle-aged woman. It is when there is nothing that a 16 year old girl, in smart clothing on her own, can do to avoid being the object of an adult's disdain that we know the British public need to start thinking for themselves and resist the drip-feed of the Daily Mail.

I would say that, at least once a week, i witness or am the object  of assumptions made by respectable adults who probably are unaware of their prejudice, but which are becoming increasingly frustrating. I am sorry for the long post people - just had to get it out there ;D - comment if you agree.

The Return

Hello, how are you? Dead? No, you're not because i am addressing you and i wouldn't be addressing you if you were dead. I don't mix with those types. Not since the incident.

So anyway - my point is that i am going to be posting a bit more now that i can :). Because, you know, my life was so busy all those months ago. Those online tetris battles were getting intense. I know what you're thinking - she's just joking about spending all her time playing tetris and entering card trick competitions while her parents are out and can't hear her performing to her poor poor webcam. So, to prove you disbelieving haterssss wrong, here are some card trick videos. Please feel free to contact Jesus - tell him there's another godly power in this world and that he can just settle for second place in the deity Olympics.

http://www.youtube.com/my_videos?feature=mhee

'Rebecca Black's Friday is an allegory depicting the communist issues facing society today. Discuss.

Rebecca Black has been depicted in the media as a trivial, forthright public annoyance. Her infamy has made her a youtube phenomenon which, though infuriatingly frustrating, is a sort of achievement - as Jimmy Carr says 'It's like being the best looking guy in the burns ward'. However, the song that caused this fame - 'Friday' has not been unpacked. The song's true meaning has not been brought to light and here I hope to expose this meaning.

'7am, waking up in the morning
Gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs
Gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal'

This is obviously a sentiment against communism. Perhaps she is being forced to 'be fresh', perhaps her leader has ordered that civilians must 'go downstairs', 'have my bowl' and 'have cereal'. This shows a lack of democracy across the world. Black is trying to express to society how communist her country has become through this subtle message about morning routine. This subtlety itself also depicts a democrat's cry for help in a communist world.

Seein’ everything, the time is goin’
Tickin’ on and on, everybody’s rushin’
This is an ingenious message to the listener about how the human race lives for tomorrow and doesn't enjoy the present. Black is portraying to us that society should stop worrying about the future so much that they are forgetting to enjoy the present. The phrase 'tickin' on and on' depicts time slipping away from humanity. Global warming is definitely a theme of this song, Black is imploring that humanity slows down and enjoys the happiness presented before them today.

Gotta get down to the bus stop
Gotta catch my bus, I see my friends (My friends)
Ok. Now here we have an interesting contradiction in terms. Because here the song clearly states 'gotta catch my bus'. Yet the video depicts a car with several 8 year olds within. This presents an interesting literary question. Perhaps Black is referring once again to the communism featured previously in the piece. By defying the 'gotta catch my bus' with the fact that she actually uses a car as transport to her place of learning, perhaps Black is giving us hope that the communists can be beaten. We can only hope.

Further on in the song, we hear,

It’s Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
The repetition of the word 'Friday' is to reinforce the idea that yes, it is Friday. Again, reference to the communism presented to society in this age 'gotta get down on Friday'. Perhaps this 'getting down' is a reference to a forced religion that Black's people have been told to follow in which Friday is a day of prayer and one must 'get down' and pray.

Cruisin’ so fast, I want time to fly
Fun, fun, think about fun
So, this phrase presents the listener with the impression that Rebecca Black has been taken against her will. The fact that the car they are in may be breaking the speed limit, Black is wanting 'time to fly' and is repeating to herself to 'think about fun' implies that events have taken a subtle turn for the worst. Black is trying to present the listener with the knowledge that wherever you are, whatever you are doing and whoever you are with, kidnapping and rape is always just around the corner. This is presenting a dark, untrustworthy society to the listener.

My friend is by my right
The one on the left may be her kidnapper, a nazi or french. You never know.

Towards the end of the song, we receive a run down of the days surrounding Friday. The purpose of this section of the song is to present to the listeners and to the media the predictability of society. The fact that murder, rape and war is the norm at this point in history is being deplored by Black at this point.

In conclusion, 'Friday' by Rebecca Black is a revolutionary song that has been underestimated amongst the media and has been publically shunned from release. However its messages against communism and the superficiality of society are to be remembered through generations.

Jks it's bs.

A Letter for Jessie

Dear Jessie

You do make me giggle with your eccentricities and strange if slightly racist comments in our English lessons. We have had some funny fun-times. Ahhhh. Thinking of them now makes me want to go outside and find some friends who have lives. However, I do believe that our Chemistry times make Chemistry teacher want to kill us and all our living relatives and loved ones... such fun.

So Jessie I feel mean for not including you in a post. I'm very sorry dear, i'm also very sorry for gettting so angry when you refer to yourself in the third person.

IT'S THE THIRD PERSON JESSIE. THE THIRD PERSON IS NOT TO BE USED BY YOURSELF.

So anyway. Some of my favourite funny times include, yes, the incident with Scary Short Welsh Head of Year 13. Ahhh, too funny. I have only run from one teacher in my time a Weald, and it will always be her. Just thinkin

g about her cold, soulless eyes, her crop of horn-hiding hair and her general lack of height makes me think of you and all our times with her :D .

I hope this post has sufficed Jessie B and to ensure this I have included a picture of which I have lived my life by, except for the fact that I don't like coffee. Substitute it with Monster.