Blind Euphoria That Comes With Stupidity

Yes. Everything is capitalised in that title. Get used to it.
Basically, the other day myself and Jessie were talking about a particular social crowd from a very different school to ours. We were asking ourselves why the fuck they were so giggly all the time, seeing as I stand next to a pack of them every morning at the station and they always sound like they're on helium. I know what you're saying reader, Tabs, people are allowed to be happy in the world, not everyone see's it for it's harsh reality like people on YouTube or people who write... pretentious... blogs... Anyway, we worked out that the reason these people are so annoyingly jolly all the time, and here it is. People like this laugh because of the blind euphoria that comes with stupidity, because if you know about all the shit that's going down in the world, you're a depressed mother fucker. So this is it, you cannot possibly be that happy all the time, especially at 7:33 in the morning, without having some kind of delusion about the world you live in. But here you go again reader, with your snappy comebacks to the gist of my blog post, you may be saying, reader, that people simply can be happy and still know about the terrifyingly apocalyptic state of the world because they choose not to let it affect their everyday life and simply enjoy the times they can. I would say reader, that that is actually true, but would undercut our theory which is quite frankly relevant to a small group of people. If this herd of people at my station did, in fact watch the news, contribute to charitable causes in our society and basically give a shizz about the state of the world, past, present and future, then I suppose this blog post would not be targeted at them. It is rather aimed at those who make no effort to even consider the bad times, in any effort to remember the past out of respect or to learn for the future. It is rather aimed at those who shield themselves from the cruelties of the human race in order to keep their world a happy, fairy-tale place and in doing so bury their empty but euphoric heads in the metaphorical sand. This is why it's important to visit places like Auschwitz, out of respect and it's also important that every human being understands the horror of the past so that the future bears no resemblance, so no more head burying, humanity. Got it? Good.

This blog post got quite deep quite quickly, and i apologize. This is what happens when I write without a plan :P. In exchange for your reading, I implore you to settle your gaze upon this image and just remember, if you've ever stuck your head in the sand...

BYE

A Blog Post About Blogging

Why do people blog? 

In the ancient times, when dinosaurs ruled the earth, before the existence of iMovie, Adobe or (if you are particularly traditional) Windows Movie Maker, movies were edited by physically cutting up pieces of film and sticking them together. Obviously, film making has developed since what can only be described as the dark ages of media, and nowadays we can all edit movies (although quality is still down to the editor - and the editor can still be crap at a professional level as I am yet to watch one Friends episode without a continuity error, it's as though the progression of time does not apply to the six Americans with faultlessly interesting yet sadly fictional lives) from the comforts of your own PC (or mac, if you swing that way). YouTube has meant that amateur films can be globally shared in seconds. Now Tabs, what are you talking about with this media studies analogy, your exams are over silly - you don't need to revise this - STOP NOW. Well, hypothetical reader, it is because I am using this film analogy to continue on to describe how journalism has evolved. God damn it hypothetical reader, you're feeling impatient today. So, just as film has been adapted to suit the common man, we will call the common man Andy, journalism has become more accessible. Andy wants to be a journalist, and thanks to the simplest of modern day technology (the internet), he can practice writing on a topic, for the world's toughest critics, the general public of the world. Andy can provide the world with his insight on topics in a particular field, or can just ramble in a topical blog on whatever comes into his mind when he has a spare moment. But I suppose journalism isn't the only reason people blog. If Andy was particularly hating of the Irish (don't ask me why, Andy's a complex man), he could start a blog detailing their faults and flaws. If Andy wanted to advertise his cake decorating company, he could blog about the trials and tribulations of being a young cake decorator, and describe the company's development. Andy might even start a blog to get back at Arnie, his old friend, but that's a dispute not fit for description, and doesn't have much to do with the reasons people blog. 

The bottom line is blogging has made it easier for the common man (Andy) to make his views heard to the world, and in my opinion this is the main reason people blog. People blog for themselves primarily, but with the desire to be heard globally (Andy doesn't, he just wanted the cash from Ad-sense because he lost his job to a bear selling weed, but that's another tale). 

BYE 

Jumping on the technology bandwagon :)

Recently, this blog was created http://jessiebartholomewforeveralone.blogspot.co.uk/2012/05/how-technology-is-making-me-go-wrong.html, which was then countered with http://aviewfromaworldobsessedwithsuccess.blogspot.co.uk/2012/05/technological-stuff.html. Oh the teenage years go so fast...
So, Jessie is scared of technology. We all gathered that much, but Zoe challenges the ideas presented by technology that many seem to be so excited by.

Yes, the internet can result in a dialect change, particularly to an accent from a country you have never visited, and yes, blackberry's sometimes feel like one of those mobiles from the 80's in your pocket. My view, however, is as a 16 year old, I have encumbered some of the best years for technology. I was born just young enough to witness a 3 channel television, VCR's, the insanely heavy white computers with Windows 95 and a GREY toolbar, mp3 players (the ones with the USB), tape players, PlayStation 1 and obviously the iconic Gameboy (the massive grey brick with about 5 buttons).  However, we have witnessed a rapid evolution of technology in these years - the movement to Sky and now smart TVs like this (see large image to the right). We've watched computing develop from a 4 piece tonne of a console to a feather-light, little tiny, miniscule <insert more modifiers for small> fold away laptop. The evolution of games consoles is another blog post in preparation - just because it's a big topic. Bigger than ya mum. No offense, tell your mum i think she's quite nice, that particular dig was directed at you and not your mother, etc. etc. friends for never etc. (If you don't get that then please take a minute to re-evaluate your music taste... and now your existence on this planet). So, all in all it's been quite a good technological world for the past 16 years - and the fact that everything is moving on so well and so quickly has to be an incredibly exciting prospect, even for the Jessie's of the world.

As for language. While I am a firm believer in the necessity of correct grammar and punctuation, and will be forced to remove the tongue of any person who feels they are above the English Language and therefore cannot pronounce their own words, it has to be said that language naturally progresses and develops. The 'lol' of today is merely the 'gee' of 1936 (although how anyone can say the word 'gee' and not automatically chunder at its appearance in their language i have no idea). Language is always changing, and in many years (hopefully) to come, our children might just disown us for using such out of date language as 'rofl-copter' (one of my personal favourites - that's right, i have favourites - although whichever conceited person created 'yolo' must receive the tongue treatment).

So that's it, language will evolve no matter how annoying it may become - i'm pretty sure people in the 19th century were creating scripts of disdain at the abandonment of the humble 'thee', in the same way we are blogging about the future use of our precious, precious language.

And now, to really piss off Zoe, I will end the blog post with this. Laterrrrzzz boiii, wil c u all @ sum point yea? In other words, farewell readers, i hope we shall meet again in the future.

BYE.

Why Short Hair is a Beast

There are many reasons why short hair can make life awesome. I know what you're thinking - this is just going be another generic post where she lists certain aspects of one part of her life, and rest assured. That is sooo what this post is.
1. Short hair means that it isn't easily grabbed. Why is this a bonus? For obvious reasons - why are you even asking if it's obvious. God reader - you're so single minded... If your hair is close to your head, murderers, rapists, muggers, bullies and Sarah cannot use it against you. Simples.
2. Kind of following on from point 1 - short hair is easier to contain in such every day situations as hurricanes, when on a roller coaster, when being held upside down by a troll in the girl's bathroom. To fully understand this phenomenon we must first look at the alternative. Long hair is flowy, easily caught up in roller coaster machinery and annoying for the troll holding you upside down in the girl's bathroom. With the bonus of a smaller hair radius, these painful situations can be avoided. Apart from the troll one, that bitch was planned by an evil wizard who currently resides on the back of your Defence Against the Dark Arts Teacher's head, no hair radius is gonna solve that.
3. Long hair can (not always) mean evil. Look at Osama Bin Laden - that beard was the longest mofo ever. Other beards were terrified of it, feeling inadequate in their mass and volume. Obviously this backs up my point enough cos we all knew how much of a bitch Bin Laden was. I rest my case.
4. Short hair is more fun. Let me ask you a question. Can you with your long hair - manipulate it into one single horn on top of your head, and spend half an hour pretending to be a Triceratops? I didn't think so. I can. Sucks to be you really. And I have short arms - now I can be a T-Rex and a Triceratops. I feel your jealousy.
BYE

The System

Don't panic guys. This isn't an anti-conformist fuck the man speech. Though it may turn out that way if things get heated. Anyway, recently, myself and http://everydayimramblin.blogspot.co.uk/ had one of our always entertaining conversations with a particularly easy going teacher. The plot line of the conversation went something like this:
We're all tired.
Education is tiring.
Education shouldn't be this tiring.
Let's go home.
It's true, education is necessary to get top careers in the scary new planet called the "real world". Don't get me wrong, the education we get is great and we are totes, blates, obvs, lucks to get it. However. There are aspects of education that were just better before everything got all 'elite'.
Teachers take note - students react worse when you speak to them as if they were a toddler who just crapped themselves. Writing as a student who... has had a ... fair share ...of ... teacher confrontation, things go a lot smoother when 15, 16 year olds are spoken to with the same level of maturity as is expected of them.
Now that that's sorted out. Head teachers take note - teachers can't be constantly pushing. While we appreciate that in that place we spoke of before (the real world), the best jobs and uni places will go to those with the highest possible grades - there is no break. Teachers and students just feel totes burnt out after a good 7 years of intense secondary education - with exams at the end of every year since the age of 11. That's why students don't give a shizz - they gave a shizz in year 7 when they rolled up with new stationary and optimism, but now all the shizz that they gave has been worn down - there is no more shizz in the world ladies and gentleman.We have teacher support to back this claim up - so yeah... go do head teacher-y stuff - work out attendance percentages or something...
Everything's just way too narrow. In this educational world you either survive the years and come out with the best grades, or you go under and drown. Not actually drown - that would imply that the best education is done at sea - and that would be silly. How would you write? Unless you were on a boat - but then the sharks might go all 'Jaws' on you and start munching on your mate while all the blood comes out his mouth. So basically - the moral of the story here is... don't drown? I can't remember - like i said earlier - I'M TOO TIRED. So yeah - my opinion on education is that everyone should just chill maybe - and i know i'm no role model for chill - but school should be. Chill like a mother bitch.

BYE

Alter-Egos

Alors, 

When I was thinking to myself today, "I'm in the mood to do a blog post", I did the usual thing of thinking of something in the last week that has stuck out to me as important. However, this last week has been a blur and to be honest the last thing I remember is thinking to myself today "I'm in the mood to do a blog post". So, instead of creating a deep, witty blog post, I decided to paste a photo of people's heads onto the bodies of more famous alter egos of those people. Enjoy my creations. I call the collection "Splicey Times" 

I call this creation "Starshites by Nicki Bartholomew". It is an expressionist piece depicting a friend's desire to be a black rapper. Perhaps indicating man's desire to be cooler than it actually is?

 "My Heart Will Go On" 

"Danger Days, True Lives of Fabulous Retards" 

"Winnie the Dave" 

BYE

Oh, it's been a while...

So, Wednesday has been and gone and then been again, and then fricked off again. That's a bit awkward. So this is a walrus, created on a Saturday - I called it Jack-Dawson-From-Titanic-Alrus, for your reading pleasure.
Also, while I have your obvious undivided attention, there are some matters that have recently arisen which must be addressed. One of these is a specific advert. It's an advert which you may have come into contact with, and you will know if you have, for a Magnum Infinity. In this particular advert, a woman, who is wearing wayy too bright a dress, eats the Magnum and then it just reappears. This has to be false advertising? My poor cognitively challenged sister spent a good period of time searching YouTube and Google to see 'how it grows back'. There must be others in this world who will be utterly disappointed when they buy their Magnum Infinity and then realise that actually, it is just an ice cream. There are no magical powers. God is not making his presence known through the medium of this particular ice cream. Obviously on the basis of this advert I am likely to never purchase a Magnum again, and rest assured, a strongly worded email has been sent. This. Is. Not. Chill. (Lol - puns ftw). Little mini-rant over. Enjoy