Not to alarm you or anything, but i'm mates with Mario.

So, i'm experiencing what many gamers recognise as gaming withdrawal. I recently misplaced my camera with my SD card in (holding my collection of downloaded Wii games) at a halloween party of which there will be no narrative apart from this image to give you the general gist of how things went down.

So, with that understood, we shall continue to

the present day. I have no Wii games to play and this is where things are getting scary. I can play on the handheld easily - but it's not the same as playing on the shitty, tiny screen that my parents granted me access to in my room. I've started dreaming about being in Super Mario 64 - the other night i was in the lava land and COMPLETED IT. I've been trying to do that for a week now (for reasons too boring to be included in the blog of awesomeness). Even the shit games that for some reason i thought it necessary to plague my card with, I now miss. I miss the dodgy resolution of Zombie Panic in Wonderland and the mind numbing boredom of My Life As A King. I even wanted to step down out the front step to leave my house today and my hand twitched to the jumpy button on a gamecube controller. I forgot how to go down a step without jumping. Seriously. Do they know what they are doing to us? It's actually a clinical thing now to be addicted to video games - there's a rehab in Amsterdam. I'm not that bad - you've gotta be pretty bad to have to go to rehab. You'd probably have to look like this after not playing for 5 days

So anyway, I think that it is possible to become addicted to video games. It's something about the impulsive, false safety that's created by their brightly coloured interfaces that makes play a necessity.

I'm jus sayin.

Momentary Panics

These are moments in which your whole world comes crashing down for a split second before you realise just how much of an idiot you actually are. If they say heart attacks take years off your life - then these panics must shorten your lifetime by about an hour each time, probably. Just in case you are not with me and about to click away from the post because you think it's finally happened, and I have finally gone insane, I will give you some examples.

I was just casually drinking some hot chocolate, because I was cold and had no food of which to comfort eat. When I was casually drinking this, I missed my mouth, totally, and poured hot chocolate down my scarf and onto my arm, cue momentary panic that somehow, this hot chocolate would STAIN MY ARM. As in, it would never come off my arm, because the only way you get rid of stains is in a washing machine, and i can't put my arm in washing machine - it DOESN'T WORK.

Other examples of momentary panic:

- When you misjudge the last step of a flight of stairs and for a moment, you are hurtling towards a terrifying death as your foot falls an inch further than expected.

- When you're desperately looking for your phone / iPod / kitten, expecting the worst, almost in tears as your desperation turns to savagery and you search through your bag, only to realise that it is in fact in your hand.

- When you're sitting on a train, very tired after a long day of playing cards and drinking dr pepper, and there's the panic when you realise you have been daydreaming and for a second you truly believe that you have missed your stop and you are somewhere in Norway even though it's technically impossible BECAUSE YOU LIVE ON AN ISLAND.

- When you're watching DIY SOS and there's the tense moment when you don't know if they are tears of joy or distress.

This has all happened to me. Don't judge.

:)

Jeeves' Unanswerables

So, I was casually doing some homework when I came across a BBC News Article outlining what it referred to as 'Jeeves' Unanswerables'. I was intrigued. Naturally, I read and it is true that, when thinking inside the box, these questions are unanswerable. But let us leave the box far, far behind and answer the unanswerable.

THE ARTICLE - http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-11368424

What is the meaning of life?

Ah. Deep end much. Life is for the fun times :) there are the sad times in life :( but they are to make sure that we appreciate the good times more :D. I'm not religious. At all. But, the meaning of life is probably different for each person that is asked. Ask a scientist what the meaning of life is, he may say it is to discover all that is to be discovered. Ask a parentwhat the meaning of life is, he may say it is to procreate children and sustain happiness. Ask a pope what the meaning of life is, he may say it is to do God's bidding. Ask a feminist what the meaning of life it, she may say it is to stop people referring to all positions of power such as scientists, parents or popes as 'he'. Either that or it's to get drunk on a bouncy castle. Probably the latter.

Is there a God?

Depends what you mean. I have recently found God in Jake Gyllenhaal when I saw Donnie Darko. I say no more.

Do blondes have more fun?

No. They just think they do because even the most mundane tasks are hilarious for them. I joke, many of my friends are in fact intelligent, witty blondes. Well one, and she's like this most of the time.

What is the best diet?

The best diet is the one that features the Dominoes Meateor pizza the most. It's not a healthy diet. But it's the best. All hail the Meateor, with it's warm bbq sauce, sparkling infusion of explosions on the tastebuds with the salt and grease collaborating to create a volcano of awesomeness. Oh, Meateor. I have so much faith in your cheesey goodness. Excuse me a minute...

Is there anybody out there?

Where? Space? Yes. Well, there might be in a few million years or something i don't know. In all fairness we are basing our lack of belief in intelligent life on other planets / in other universes on the lack of contact made by them. GIVE THEM A CHANCE :O. Honestly, if we can't contact them then why should they be able to contact us? Oh, human race - you should listen to Tabs more often.

Who is the most famous person in the world?

Your Mum. Those two words are probably said wayy more often that the words The Pope or The Queen or Barrack Obama. So, your mum is the most famous person in the world. Go congratulate her with a cup of tea or, if you are american and don't drink tea, a big mac.

What is love?

A chemical. Deal with it non-rationalists of the world.

What is the secret to happiness?

Scientists and psychologists would probably say a healthy diet, exercise and mental stimulation. However i think you can be given all the happiness you need in life from these two pictures.

Did Tony Soprano Die?

Who?

How Long Will I Live?

A closing thought - as long as you are happy and prosperous is my answer. But if you get hit by a car then that theory may be proved to have a few loopholes. If we are talking about the spiritual meaning of the word 'living' then as long as you want I suppose. But if we are talking scientific, with all the passive or active smoking, drinking, global warming and stupidity i'd give the human race an average life span of about 60 years. Unless there are cars about.

BYE