An 18 year old's outlook on the rofls of life

Thursday, 26 January 2012

Unexpected Mushrooms

'Unexpected mushrooms' is the technical term for those little things that make you want to want to find a tiny kitten with big blue eyes and a little chirp of a meow and DESTROY IT. I was eating lasagna the other day, and i felt a strange sensation - one i had only experienced by accident a few times before in my 16 years of life. A mushroom had stowed away in my forkful of pasta cargo. There was a greasy, slimy slug blob in my harmless forkful. I had no choice - I had to force my mouth to continue with the otherwise enjoyable task of chewing until i could swallow the mushroom without further slime or taste.
These little things in life, these tiny irritations, can turn a good time into a total wank job.

EXAMPLE
- People who don't control their children. Children can be sweet, at the best of times. The rest of the time they are too loud, too quiet, too hyper, too lazy, too cocky and also too shy. I know they do this by nature - I was all of these things, plus i was prone to angry outbursts. It's when the miserable, sleep deprived shells of human beings they call their parents just can't control them anymore that things get out of hand. It's when you're trying to have a meal in a restaurant and there's a small child with a ray gun that blasts decibels of pain while flashing red and green on the table next to you, setting off epileptics left, right and center with the sudden lights and screaming to the point where the old deaf guy sitting upstairs asks the manager to turn down the volume. CONTROL YOUR OFFSPRING. It's your fault for procreating in the first place - learn the sacred art of contraception perhaps? The lasagna in this analogy would be the restaurant - fairly enjoyable, nice food, good atmosphere - ice in your Diet Coke. The mushroom would be the child - not expected, beyond control.


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