How are you l'il chipmunks. So - i feel i should continue with the alphabet but still keep the ranting alive.
I = Illness. It's kind of an obvious one. Not many people like it - unless it does something for you in a creepy, sexual way... ew. But anyway illness can be avoided by not leaving the safety of your house, room or bed. This way no germs can reach you, nor can you infect any other perfectly healthy living people. For your health, for your safety and for your own good population, i urge you to stay within the confines of your duvet (or if you know me well, davet - available from Amazon in 'Hungry Dave', 'Dave Eating' or the new limited edition 'Thumbs up Dave')and help fight the war that is forming around our very beings - the war on illness. Peace.
J - JLS. Again, kind of obvious. Here are the little freaks.
???????????????? APPEAL IS WHAT????
I'm pretty sure in this picture they've acquired a new member - was there always 5? Who knows. Anyway - JLS annoy me greatly. It's not even the cheesy and puke-inducing songs - it's the fact that their audience don't know any better. The majority of the fans of JLS are, in actual fact, 7 years old or such and such... these are 4 (or 5, I don't know) like, 25 year olds making 7 year old girls jizz... SICK. SICK BASTARDS.
K - Kesha - i know i'm veering into a kind of pop blog here, but why does she exist on our earth. Listening to Tik Tok (which is too an awful spelling to even comprehend) makes any decent human being want to punch young Kesha in the face and return to the norm by continuing to worship Lady Gaga, Michael Jackson, Queen and the many other actual rebellious figures in pop culture that HAVE WORTH IN THIS WORLD. ANGER.
L - Larryment. We all have to endure it. The crushing, self confidence killing, sweaty experience of larryment. It happens every so often when the person you normally hang out with is away. It happens every so often when the person you normally hang out with is ill. It happens every so often when the person you normally hang out with is allowed to stay off school IF THEY UNLOAD THE DISHWASHER. No one in specific in mind here... :/ . Anyway, my advice for when one finds oneself in a position of larryment is to simply remain calm. Those walking in the opposite direction to you do not know that you are terrified, nor do they need to know, as screaming at them to help you will not help you. Or your sanity. If you need to perform a task on your own, I find it helpful to comment on what you are doing, it doesn't need to be to anyone, just mumble it to yourself. I find this allows me to focus on the task and not the fact that people are staring at me. If this fails, which it may do, simply refer to yourself in the third person when mumbling. Many people i know, including myself, do this and find it hugely successful. Here's an example, if I was in detention by my larrysome, and i had to take the paper bins out it would sound like so.
"now, Tabs is picking up C1's paper bin"
"Tabs is now opening the door, glaring at a year 7 who decided to stop in the MIDDLE OF THE CORRIDOR"
"Tabs is now picking up C2's paper bin"
"Tabs is now bored"
"Tabs is now dumping the bins in the big white ones outside C4"
and life continues :).
So - that over - i feel the need to share with you guys the awesomeness that happened to me and the rest of year 11. I had DEFENCE AGAINST THE RAPE ARTS. I feel like Harry Potter.
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