Insights and Walruses

Okay - so it's going to take me a while but during the next few blog posts i'm probably going to be doing this alphabet of problems, but it's going to take a few posts over the next few weeks. Today we look at the possibility of apocalypse, blondism, we worry about career prospects and glance at a few dead people. Have funsies... but don't get crazy.

A – Apocalypse
Apolcalypse is a very real, very imminent prospect. With the number of zombie population on a steady increase, the idea of an apocalypse of this nature is certainly probable. Therefore, I believe it is important to have a plan in case of said invasion. For example, it will be invariably necessary to have a location to use in which to meet and confer with others, this location must be carefully chosen and changed yearly, in case one of your colleagues is indeed, a zombie.


B - Blondism
Blondism is a serious mental illness that affects the behaviour, feelings and thoughts of a person. A person can be temporary blond, blond on a recurring basis, or permanently blond. Please note, the colour of a person’s hair does not contribute to nor dismiss the prospect of blondism. A blond person can happily live their life free of blondism, and yet brunettes and even gingers can suffer greatly from the illness. Those who experience recurring attacks of blondism are often known to make stupid comments, fall over, act in a publically inappropriate way or shut off parts of their brain during conversation, for example the section that differs between a normal thing to say and a random, idiotic remark. One of the most notable sufferers of blondism is Beccy, and while her blondism only takes the form of temporary moments of illness, her awesome ability to cover up the blondism makes it barely noticeable and at times adds to her insanely brilliant character (that’s me trying to make up for lightly insulting a bmfl – we’re used to it – it’s what we do).


C – Career Prospects
Career Prospects are bitches – they seek to destroy your hopes and dreams and encourage you to settle for work in prostitution for the rest of your career-less life. That is what school and A-level choices has taught me. Life is SO much easier when you are 5 or 6, not only do you have colouring in for ‘homework’, but you either want to be an actress, a singer, a fireman, a policeman or a ballerina. It’s a simple life. Every 5 year old is only the happy, smiling toddler that we so often trip over because its career prospects are set in total stone it its happy, smiling little mind. But, no, as soon as you turn 14 you have to actually think about what you want to do and you come to the realisation that you have no idea and this realisation is followed by the dread as you further realise that you will end up living in a shed with a small job in fireplace maintenance and spending your free time stalking the successful people from your teenage past... breathe is a funny word.


D – Dead people
I see dead people... like everyday – i work in a morgue it’s normal. I’m joking i don’t work in a morgue yet – it’s just another exciting career prospect :/. Anyway, dead people don’t do anyone any favours. When they die it’s sad. When they’re dead they’re scary. When they come back as zombies it is an inconvenience of a scary nature. So, my solution to the problem of dead people, is obviously not to die. I know it’s not the best of solutions but if we all lived in boxes, no one could get ill and if we had food and water, we could very easily survive for longer periods of time? I don’t know. Probably wouldn’t work. But, going on with this theory, for reproduction purposes, separate larger boxes could be used. However that brings up the subject of birth which is a fairly messy matter and would not work well in a box... that also brings up the prospect of waste. Hmmmm, also if someone did die – it would completely defeat the object of the boxes because then they would be dead and gross but everone would be surrounding a dead guy in a box. Not good. Scrap that, we’ll stay living out of boxes :).

Btw - i was looking through some pictures of puppies cos i was gonna have some images to accompany this post and i found this slightly cruel yet sadly entertaining image.



it's a puppy - dressed as a teddy ... make up your mind, cruel or entertaining? I think both but it does heighten the cuteness - as in cruelly entertaining.

In the next post i'll probably be talking about Gillian McKieth, Fascism, Elephants and centipedes of the human nature. Have fun with your life :)