Awkward Times

As a fairly awkward person, I feel obligated to share both some awkward memories and some thoughts on awkwardness. Dave asked me to tell a few awkward stories on my blog so I will. First of all however, awkwardness was made by God to hover over society and strike at the worst moment ever - like an S.T.I . Parents know the pain that awkwardness brings to their offspring, yet they constantly bring up conversations starting with,

"So, sex"

"So, contraception"

"Don't have sex dear. You will get pregnant, if you do have to get pregnant though make sure the father isn't ugly. Then the baby may turn out ugly and you won't be able to keep it in the baby room FULL OF BABIES WHEN IT IS BORN COS IT MIGHT SCARE THEM"

BACK TO THE POINT

I was going to talk about a time when I lead my English teacher into believing I was a world class gymnast, but that wasn't really that awkward - I enjoyed pretending to be athletic for a while. So instead, I will have to talk about the little things in life which people view as weird and thus create an uncomfortable atmosphere worthy of turtles. Why is it an awkward turtle? Turtle's aren't that awkward are they? It doesn't really work with anything else though - we're used to awkward turtle - AWKWARD MAMMAL ---- doesn't have the same ring to it... :( . BACK TO THE POINT. Wow, distracted today. Anyway.

Little things, like murmuring to myself often makes people either look at me with sympathy or disgust. If I am supposed to be talking to this person, an awkward atmosphere is created and slowly crushes it's victims in humid despair. It gets even worse, however, as usually I know that I will only feel this awkwardness when I stop talking, so I must continue to talk. One time - I was particularly hyper and sleep deprived and it had the WORST effect ever on my talking. I was in a revision session one lunchtime because I hadn't performed well in a recent exam. No surprises there then. I started basically repeating the last few words of my teacher's sentences to myself. BAD MOVE. She thought I was taking the mickey and stopped talking to glare at me. Suddenly there was this deep, deep silence that I had to fill with murmurings. I had run out of things to say and so it kind of carried on like this:

Me: (along the lines of) should probably stop talking now. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop.

My brain had frozen so I just repeated the word 'stop' until my teacher gave up and continued the revision. I was relieved. It was the worst moment of my life.